one foot in the closet

I don't know if I could ever be completely out. It seems like there will always be people I don't want to (or can't) tell I'm queer. My grandparents, friends from church, co-workers...
Perhaps I'd change my mind if I ever had a girlfriend... but who knows.

I wish I could tell my dad... my mom and sister already know so he's the only member of my immediate family who doesn't have a clue... but perhaps it's best to keep it that way for now. He's so heterocentric that the notion probably hasn't crossed his mind...

Thinking about all this makes me sad...

oh, woe.

Why now?
I have just gotten to know this girl really well. We're really starting to click and I think she's awesome and totally cute and I think she kinda likes me too.
But she's a senior and graduating and leaving, and after this week who knows when and if I'll ever see her again.

I finally find someone I could see myself with, and it's doomed from the start.

She wants to hang out later this week, so hopefully we will and maybe I can tell her how sad I am she's leaving and maybe... something will happen.
But maybe not.

I feel I shouldn't dare to hope...